Subject: Question about marital responsibilities - disabled husband

Reply to Pt. 1: (from me)

Hello, like you, I too am disabled. I deal with permanent brain and nerve damage (all over the body) from a 2011 illness that nearly took my life. I can’t have much social interaction and the pain never goes away all over my body. If I am pushed too far, my nervous system won’t send correct signals throughout my body causing issues like speech slurs, paralysis, stroke, etc… I use an electric wheelchair to get around. The doctors told me I would never work or preach again.

Despite the doctors’ counsel, I do not want to just exist on this earth. God has a purpose for all of his children, and I just try to be available for God to use me somehow some way. I preach out once a month with my family, and we sing. I also obviously run this website (there are no others but myself who run the entire site). Does it hurt? Definitely. Do I get discouraged? Sometimes. Some days I can barely move. But I want my life to count for eternity.

  • Ecclesiastes 9:10 states, “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest.”

In other words, you only have one life on this earth, and God expects us to make it count even if it may not seem like you are doing much.

God assures us in II Cor. 8:12:

  • For if there be first a willing mind, it is accepted according to that a man hath, and not according to that he hath not.”

My life may not seem much to others, but I do everything I am capable of to love my wife, to love my children, and to love others. You may also not be able to do much, but you should focus on some purpose from God to exist. How can you help in the home, for your wife and kids, for the Lord, and/or for others? Again, it may not be much, but words of encouragement, touches, smiles, etc… go a long, long way for many people!

I want to add one more very crucial truth that many Christians miss: grace. Many believers are grateful for the gift of grace, but do not understand what the gift is. If you opened the gift of grace, what is inside? What did God give you? A common misinterpretation of grace is by defining akin to mercy but the two are not the same.

You will often see grace referred to as “the grace of God.” (At least 23 times.) Again, Christians usually refer to grace as “from God” (this exact phrase is not used in God’s Word), and grace is obviously from God, but God refers to grace as “of God.” God refers to grace as His unspeakable gift (II Cor. 9:15). Why? Because it is impossible to nail down its definition. Why? Because grace is of God. Grace is an impartation of God Himself to us.

God gives a part of Himself for any need, any area, any issue, any person, at any time. (II Cor. 9:8) For salvation, God gave Himself in His Son, Jesus. We cannot save ourselves. (Eph. 2:8-9) Our “righteousness” or best is as filthy rags to our Holy God. (Is. 64:6) Jesus is the only possible fulfillment and satisfaction for sin’s penalty and God’s perfection. (I Jn. 2:2) For sanctification, God gave Himself through His Spirit, the Holy Spirit. (Titus 3:5; Eph. 5:18) And the list goes on: grace helps husbands, wives, children, churches, pastors, employees and employers, government, anything!

Why do I mention grace? Because it is only because of Jesus that I can make it. (II Cor. 12:7-10) Many receive that statement lightly, but I intend it to be understood for all the power it implies. I have been told that over 80% of brain damage patients commit suicide. Many marriages that have a partner with disabilities break up. I cannot even merely exist if I do not have Jesus’ enablement. His grace gets me out of bed, puts a smile on my face, encourages me to encourage others. (I Cor. 15:10)

It hurts to type. It hurts to sing. It hurts to listen. It hurts to think. It hurts to sit. My life is a continual nightmare that I cannot wake up from. So how do I do it? My faith in Jesus accesses His grace for anything at any time for any person for any situation. (Rom. 5:1-2; II Cor. 9:8)

I hope this letter can help you! Thank you for reaching out!